Healing Is Complex: Let's Talk About It
No matter what platform you go on, you are going to see something about someone in their healing era or on their healing journey. The typical person on these ephemeral journeys tends to be a young woman in her twenties, typically living in a big city or an outside suburb, who is committed to this new way of living and all it entails. There is no clearly defined set of rules when it comes to entering one’s healing era, but the general aesthetic is the same overall.
It is a person who is generally into wellness, always drinking some kind of smoothie or concoction. Someone who is reading books, most likely from pop psychologists, There is a lot of talk about getting better and being a better person. There are productivity tools used often to keep track of goals, habits, and visions of the future. There are lots of establishment shots of vitamins and supplements being taken, and water is being consumed. There is always a soft color palette of cream, pink, white, and heather gray. There is always someone journaling for a long time, and sometimes also meditating.
There is also some recommendation for an online platform to get to know yourself better, whether it is through ennegrams, Myers-Briggs, the Big Five, or other personality tests. There are also outsized recommendations for some service, product, or clothing item that may or may not have been vetted. There are recommendations to follow so-and-so’s podcast, book, or incredibly expensive course. But the question remains: does any of it work? Did anyone truly heal?
In general, pop psychology is having a moment right now, especially on platforms like TikTok and Instagram. There are so many quotes from popular internet psychologists floating around. There are tips, tricks, and advice on how to make your life better and more meaningful. There are the words discipline and consistency thrown around a lot, especially when it comes to working out and exercising.
Pop psychology is very easy for anyone to fall into. It makes hard and complicated topics like mental health and mental wellbeing easier to understand and more accessible to the general public. It gives sound bite solutions and low-level action plans so that one can think about or begin their journey into healing, getting better, or at least learning more about themselves. It makes it easy to think about changing your life, changing your mindset, or trying to grow as a person.
But here’s the thing that doesn’t always seem to get addressed: You are not a self-improvement project. No one is. You are a human being and human beings are complicated. Healing is complicated. Healing is deeply complex, confusing, and messy. Healing is not linear. You might think you are healed, but then a new situation comes up and old feelings resurface, and the journey begins all over again. Life can throw us for a loop again and again. There are no steps to living a life that will prevent or end all the pain that might come in one’s life. Sometimes you can’t get back lost time, or erase moments that you’d like to forget. This is the hard part about life and the truth that people like to skirt around: healing is complicated because life is inherently complicated, and it does not always make sense.
Healing does not have a timeline. Healing does not have a checklist.
What has unfortunately happened is that many people, especially some online influencers, have turned healing into a never-ending checklist. It presents itself as though if you do all the right things, or buy these certain products, then you have a pathway to be healed. But there is no one-size-fits-all healing solution. There are no concrete goals with healing. You can’t manifest your way out of it. You can’t take one class and magically be better.
Additionally, for some, healing can be frustrating and angering. Healing can look like being trapped in the same room, comforting new information again and again, and figuring out where and how to go next. It can involve a lot of false starts before things start to get better. It can involve plateaus and valleys, and the graph of healing doesn’t always automatically go up or stay up. It is not the aesthetic picture that it may present itself on Instagram, TikTok, or other social media platforms.
Furthermore, the work required to engage in self-healing can be inaccessible for many individuals. There are barriers including costs, availability of qualified and trained therapists or health workers that can help assist one in their journey. There are systems in place that make healing difficult, including not having enough time to rest, recharge, or relax in daily life.
So can anything be done about this? For one, having real and honest conversations about the messiness of healing can help alleviate the pressure to hurry up and get to the other side, have a completed journey, or have an aesthetic journey. The acknowledgement that no one has the answers and life is inherently difficult at times. A sense of neturality when it comes to healing can be helpful. Using more natural language and being honest about different struggles can be helpful as well. And of course, more access to quality trained therapists, counselors, and others that can help one navigate the difficulties in life.
The best advice is to really take it one day at a time and give yourself a lot of grace as you navigate through complicated feelings and difficult moments. Ultimately, we are all just works in progress trying to navigate this thing called life, and it's past time for us to be honest with each other and ourselves.